Every year as Halloween approaches, I have to fight the desire to ignore the bell, bolt my door shut, and drown my sorrows in the bags of Milky Ways and M&Ms I pretended to buy for the neurotypical little goblins who pass my way. Personally I find Halloween to be the most painful time for parents of children with special needs, outside of IEP season that is, if only because those otherwise “ordinary” joys of childhood are paraded around right in front of your doorstep. Since crying in my chocolate will only ruin the chocolate, I have no choice but to laugh. So I thought I’d combine the two most painful things for parents of children with special needs – Halloween and IEPs–and share my thoughts on what some mom’s who may actually like Halloween might say at an IEP meeting.
Zombie’s mom – Take away my son’s chance for a real future, Over My Dead Body!
Goblin’s mom – Of course he goes bump in the night, that’s why I’m asking for PT services.
Dracula’s mom – Watching my son struggle through school without appropriate support is like a stake in my
heart.
Cannibal’s mom – What do you mean you won’t let him eat lunch with the other children!
Vampire’s mom – Suspend my son for sleeping in school during the daytime, really, what do you expect?
Casper’s mom – You treat my son like he’s invisible.
Zombie’s mom – My daughter’s goals should rest in IEPeace.
Werewolf’s mom – Every month my son can transition from boy to a wolf, but you can’t transition him out of high school!
Good Witch – Expecting my child to learn with the curriculum and all you people have provided, is magic thinking.
Skeleton’s mom – The team cut my child’s services down to the bare bones.
Mother of Two-headed Monster – Really my son has two good heads on his shoulders and you tell me your team can’t teach him!
Mother of Thing – A good OT, that’s all I ask!
Mommy of the Mummy- The school nurse said she wouldn’t let my son back in school until she knew what was under those bandages.
Mother of Cousin ‘It’ – How come every time there’s a case of head lice, you send my son home?
Loch Ness Monster’s mom – How could you already have an appropriate program for him, he’s the only one of his kind.
Big Foot’s mom – How can you properly service him if you don’t even believe he exists?
Ghost’s mom – All I want is a communication device. Being both invisible and non-verbal does impact his education.
Vampire’s mom – My child needs a change of placement — night school.
Frankenstein’s mom – Putting Frank in a chemistry class in front of a bunsun burner was just asking for trouble, didn’t anyone read his IEP?
Godzilla’s mom – If he wanted to eat you he would’ve done it long before now, so stop using that as an excuse not to teach him.
Vampire’s mom – He couldn’t have missed the deadline, he’s over one hundred years old.
Frankenstein’s mother – You can’t discriminate against my son based on the color of his skin.
Cyclop’s mom – A vision itinerant? Why?
Robot’s mom – Computer lab is the only place that feels like inclusion.
Mother of the Incredible Hulk – If you had a sufficient behavior plan…
Mother of the Invisible Man – If you mark my son absent one more time while he’s in school, I’m going to file due process.