When I was in school, I don’t remember parents and teachers talking very much at all, maybe because it took close to five minutes to dial a seven-digit number on a rotary phone. So communication was pretty minimal: a nod at Open House, a note on the bottom of a report card, an awkward handshake at a Parent-Teacher conference.
When my son was in grade school, the spiral notebook was the way to “stay informed.” Tucked neatly in his Nike backpack, it carried notes from home to school and home again. Straight-forward, reliable, easy-to-use, the only complications with this method was legibility, fraying of pages and oh yeah, getting the teacher to read it.
In this day and age with the advent of cell phones, text messaging and instant emails, you’d think communication between parents and schools would be so clear that there’d be nothing left to discuss at an IEP meeting. So why is it that we still don’t understand each other? Here are some possible examples (all fiction, of course).
Day 1
Dear Mary:
Hope you are fine.
Thank you so much for sharing the highlights of my son’s school day. It makes me feel like an important part of the team.
I see he has math homework today and a science lab write-up due on
Friday. I will look at his assignments as soon as he comes home from
school today.
Since we have such a busy schedule, between doctor and therapy
appointments, could you maybe try getting some of this work done in
school?
All your help and best efforts are very much appreciated.
Look forward to seeing you and the team at our upcoming IEP meeting.
Mom.
Day 2
Hi Mary:
Hope all is well.
Thanks for the summary of my son’s school day. Your many observations were extremely informative.
I looked at the math yesterday, but as it’s been a long time since I’ve
studied math, I couldn’t figure out how to do the problems. Could you
please send home either math notes or a few sample problems?
Also, despite my best efforts, I was not able to help my son with his
lab write-up since no data was sent home. Please send lab results
tomorrow.
We will put forth our best efforts to catch up on homework tomorrow as
we have PT today. Could you please try to get some of the homework done
during a resource period in school?
Thank you for all your help.
We will see you very soon at my son’s IEP.
Mom.
Day 3
Mary:
Hope you’re ok.
Again, thanks for your daily reports, but the degree to which you are
detailing my son’s day must be very time-consuming for you and is not
really necessary. Please know this level of intimate detail is not
really useful/beneficial.
I’m still confused by my son’s math assignments which have doubled
since our last email and continue to come home without support. Please
tell me where to find the information or get them done during one of my
son’s three scheduled resource periods in school.
As for the lab write-up, I still have no data from which to help him
write the conclusion. Nor do I have the proper equipment in my home to
enable me to recreate this lengthy and dangerous experiment. Plus my
son has OT tonight so he will not have time to do any homework. So
please send results home immediately, and I will write the damn thing
up myself.
See you at the meeting.
Mom.
Day 4
Ms. Falk:
Doing all right?
Please refrain from sending daily reports. These indepth and petty
descriptions of my son’s inappropriate and involuntary behaviors and
verbal outbursts are neither helpful nor welcome.
Yes, I know he has math. But I can’t do it. I’ve already paid the
neighbor kid $50 to do your job. And he wants another $50 by Tuesday or
he’s cutting me off. And give me the goddamned data for the lab
write-up, because I don’t have a bunson burner and if I did, I would
use it to set myself on fire and not have to worry about the freakin
lab write-up. And now you want me to read him a book by Monday? Fat
chance!
I wish I’d never met any of you.
Mom.
Day 5
Falk:
You ok? I don’t give a damn.
Thanks for another play by play, I thought my head would explode.
Either stop sending me these mean-spirited, hurtful, descriptions of my
son’s behavior at school, or I will file a complaint with the Board of
Education for harrassment.
And why can’t you help my son complete his math homework at school?
What are resource periods anyway? They’re not like natural resources,
like you’re going to run out of them, so we must use them sparingly.
And I’m tired of getting the run around with the science data, so my
lawyer will be serving the science teacher with a subpoena for lab
results. And frankly I’m more than a little suspicious about the
secrecy which surrounds your “supposed lab data.” He has forty eight
hours during which to respond.
I dread seeing you and your smug little face at the next IEP meeting.
Mom.
Day 6
Yeah,
Yada yada yada. You know the drill.
I’m pulling my son out of resource and enrolling him in Shop. And the
repeated requests for math support — forget it, I bought my son a
calculator and hired him a CPA. As for the science, my son isn’t even
taking science. And you’re not even his teacher!
Stop sending me emails. Forget you ever knew me. I demand no further
communication from you of any kind. I am deleting you now, right now. I
swear. I delete you . I delete you . I delete you. You are spam. You
are spam. You are spam!
I’m cancelling my son’s IEP meeting . I can’t stand the sight of any of you!
Mom.
cc: Special Education Attorney