Over the years I have worked with lots of moms; supporting,
training and building good advocacy for their child with special needs. The
remarkable thing to see is once the advocacy skills take hold, are the
transformative effect it has on the Mom at the IEP meeting and in other areas
of her life. Becoming an effective advocate taps into that basic parental
instinct to preserve and promote your child’s best interest. (I speak about
Moms, but there have also been some Dads too!)
I call her the “Transformative Mom”. When you first meet her
you see a caring and supportive parent who just wants her child to be happy and
do their best in school. She has
faith in the school and has done whatever she can to help the teachers and
staff. But, over time she has discovered that things aren’t as they seem, and
her child is struggling academically, socially or both. And it seems that no
matter what she has done to support the school staff or assist her child at
home, her child is falling farther and farther behind. Sometimes her child is struggling
because of a disability, which has gone unidentified. Other times, the child is
struggling in spite of the fact that they have an IEP. If things are really out of control,
her child may be serving multiple detentions or has even been suspended. Many
times she feels powerless to change the situation. Nevertheless, determined she
will not give up, she realizes she can’t do it alone.
When meeting with an Advocate for the first time, the
initial conversations include educational rights, but they also encompass the
emotional struggle the mom is experiencing, many times feeling like she has
failed her child. As she develops a deeper understanding of her crucial role in
the IEP process, and discovers the strategies to be a more effective advocate
for her child, the transformation begins to take place. She no longer views
herself as a spectator, but as a full-blown participant. She continues to
educate herself on what her child needs to be successful. She attends her
child’s IEP meetings prepared to pose questions regarding progress on goals,
the effectiveness of accommodations, the benefits of push-in versus pull-out
services, the implementation of a behavior plan or the eligibility for extended
school year services, all the while effectively participating as an equal
member of the team.
For this mom, when her child’s future is jeopardized, her
basic primal instincts emerge.
Mess with me, but don’t mess with my kid! Even though this Mom may be a
soft-spoken, easy-going person, deep down inside beats the heart of a lioness
ready and willing to protect her cub. After this transformation point, she
continues to hone her leadership skills and develop and foster relationships
with school staff, while gaining their respect as an active member of the team.
Some staff and even some family members may have problems adjusting to the new
persona, one that is more assertive, clear and defined. They will have to
adjust, as this mom is paving the way for a more effective and meaningful
future for both herself and her child. Once this transformation occurs, this
mom will never be the same. What has been unleashed, is the power of knowing
she has a voice, untapped resources available to her and the ability to make a
positive impact on the life of her child. Becoming an effective advocate in my
experience can be a life altering experience for both the parent and the child.