When raising a child with special needs, I believe it’s more important to focus on the similarities than the differences. However when I hear a mom bellyaching that “all parents worry about their children,” I sometimes get a little defensive. Although some sincere friends and relatives genuinely try to put themselves in my AFOs [ankle foot orthotics], I think the “mainstream” parent doesn’t have a clue. So I’ve designed some everyday analogies to help parents of “typical” kids better relate to the stresses and strains of some of our daily routines.
I would liken that sick feeling you get in your stomach when your
child’s notice of IEP comes in the mail, to the sensation you get when
an invitation to a Tupperware Party arrives. Both are attended out of
obligation, and both can’t end too soon. And certainly at both, you
are subject to immature games that you never seem to win. I think if
school districts really had something of value to offer and gave out a
pickle fork or salad spinner, at least families would have something
else useless to hold on to at the end of the day besides unmet goals.
Going to due process to change your child’s placement is practically
like being in surgery to have your appendix removed. In both cases,
it’s a lot to go through to get rid of something that wasn’t doing you
any good to begin with.
I think I would describe IEPs as being similar to having your teeth
cleaned. In both situations, the task is often loud, unpleasant and
you know you’ll only have to repeat them again soon. And during both,
even though your mouth is open, no one seems to be able to understand a
word you’re trying to say.
Having your MDC could be compared to having a tax audit. You dread
both, believe you’ve been totally upfront and played by the rules, but
you know they’ll find something that will haunt you forever.
A classroom visit could be very much like spending the weekend at the home of insensitive relatives.
You don’t want to go to either, neither want you there, but you do it
for the sake of your children.
Looking at your child’s test scores or grades could be thought of as
similar to weighing yourself. You know there’s a number out there, but
you’d rather not know exactly what that number is.
I personally like to compare having the school psychologist test my son,
with taking my cat Travis to the vet for his annual vaccinations. In
both cases, I have to explain to the “professional” that “he’s really
very different at home.”
Looking at an educational placement that the “Team” recommended for
your child that you know in your heart is inappropriate, is almost
identical with buying a bridesmaid’s dress for the wedding of a casual
friend. In both instances, you resent the idea, don’t think you can
say no, and are certain you’re looking at something that you’ll never
want to go near again.
Looking at some summer camp programs for your child can be similar to
looking for clothes on sale in the wrong size. You want to only see
what’s attractive about them both, but no matter how you struggle with
the zipper, they just don’t fit.
Attending school meetings can feel just like going for your annual OB
GYN exam. In both cases you feel terribly exposed, extremely
vulnerable, and no matter how badly you want to run away, you can’t
leave the table.