IEP meetings should be wonderful team building endeavors. Therapists and teachers wouldn't argue with parents that children don't actually need more therapy, functional academics, or to eat or drink during the day. Classrooms would be inclusive and progress on goals would be phenomenal.
For example, at a recent meeting I expressed that it would be beneficial for my client to use his gait trainer (which would be provided at no cost to the district) for 30 minutes everyday in the hallways. I was then told by the physical therapist that this was not a functional goal for him, and not part of his IEP. I suggested we develop a goal for walking to a peer, teacher, or place in the school. Than I explained how walking is a functional goal for the student. All along I had thought that the physical therapists knew that walking was functional. Tip #1 assume nothing.
I was working with a family who wanted their son to learn to use a switch to communicate that he needed to use the bathroom, or be changed, among other things. The principal's response to this was that using the bathroom was probably pretty low on the child's list of priorities. The parents disagreed in that the child did not like to eat if he needed changing, so obviously it was of some importance to him. Several months later a private psychologist evaluated the boy and stated that developing a toileting goal should be a high priority. Tip #2 don't be so sure anyone is your pal, or your child's for that matter, if it sounds like extra work it's probably pretty low on the school people's list of priorities.
Another memorable IEP conversation is when a family was asking for communication about their child's day. Keep in mind that this child cannot talk or communicate about his day to his parents at all. The teacher was certain she did not have enough time to send a communication log to the parents until the parents reworded their request. When the parents explained that this daily communication was actually to help the teacher she became much more interested. For example, if she wrote down what was worked on during the day with the child, the parents could reiterate it at home, thus helping the child achieve the goals sooner. The parents explained that they wanted to help make the teacher's job easier by helping her help their child. I can't forget to mention that communication was a speciality this teacher prided herself as having. Tip #3 explain as many things as you can in the context of helping the school staff, chances are they will be much more receptive to your ideas.
A few other memorable statements at IEP meetings I have attended are worth considering. A vision teacher once answered 'no' when asked if she had any books about teaching a child with a vision impairment. A teacher described how the non verbal children in the classroom all share one child's communication device that his parents provided. A speech therapist stated that a child could not have any extra speech minutes if he remained in a mainstream classroom because her case load was full. Tip #4 don't expect that teachers or therapists will be provided with all the supplies the children they are servicing require, nor will they know everything there is to know about the children and their disabilities. Asking questions and providing information in a constructive way can, at times, be beneficial.
Wording is everything. At times our job as parents/advocates will be much more than just being part of the team. We will have to lead the team to a place where everyone present is working to the benefit of the child. This place must be one that puts the child's educational needs first and foremost, above ego, school policies, budgets, personal feelings, and work ethics. As the saying goes the water wears down the rock, not because it is stronger but because it has more staying power. They may be like rocks but we are all like water.